How do I help my child succeed in life?

Be there.Being a strong influence in your child's life means being available to your child. That doesn't mean you have to hover or give your child all of your attention all of the time. In fact, you shouldn't. You are raising your child to be an independent person someday, after all. It does mean you are available if your child needs you. It also means you know what is happening in your child's life, and your child knows that. Even if it doesn't show, your child values the time you are there. Here are some suggestions:

Oversee your child's homework.That does not mean do your child's homework-that will help you to learn, not your child! That means offer assistance or ideas about how to do the work, ask questions to help your child's brain become unstuck, encourage your child to look for help in the book or previously completed work, and check over the work when it is finished.

Have discussions about current events, locally and worldwide. Keep a world map on the wall and help your child look for the locations of the events. This will help make social studies come alive and make sense. It will also improve his verbal skills.

Read. Children want to be like their parents. They also want to know why you find it worthwhile to read. So if you read, they will be motivated to read, too.

Avoid daycare as much as possible. Make sure you and your values affect your child instead of someone else's. Just being at home with you while you each do your own thing lets your child know you're available. It also gives your child time to enjoy some quiet, unstructured time.

Provide a healthy diet and enough sleep. School requires as much out of your child as your work requires of you. Your child's body needs to be able to perform well in order to get the most out of school.

Provide lots of love. Children who feel loved have the confidence to take risks, and are more likely to learn through failure and to become leaders.

Compliment or reward your child when appropriate. We all appreciate a little recognition when we have done well. However, children who are constantly praised for everything will learn that they don't need to do their best.

Encourage outside activities and hobbies. Your child will learn through these, too, and may even find new reasons for using that math and reading she has learned at school.

Help your child find his strengths, academic or not. He may not be so great at social studies, but he will be more confident in his overall abilities if he knows he is really good at soccer or birdwatching.

Expect only what your child can do. Don't expect perfect grades if your child can't get them. Do expect your child to do her best.

Don't over-program. Outside activities are good, but your child also needs free time. This is not TV time. This is time just to be a kid, playing with cars, watching the clouds, daydreaming, or whatever.

Encourage problem-solving. Free play is good for this: building toys, playing with a friend, figuring out how toy cars work or how to build a ramp, creating doll clothes, drawing a dog. Homework, family projects, or reading together also provide good opportunities. Try guiding your child's thinking with questions such as "I wonder what would happen if..." or "What do you think will happen next?" or "Have you tried..."

Get involved. In my experience, children whose parents are involved do better. Not only are they aware that their parents know what is going on at school, but they also know that their parents care enough to find out what is going on. It gives you topics for conversations with your child too-you know who and what they are talking about, and you can ask more specific questions about what they did at school today.

Volunteer. Help the school to help your child. Your efforts can help the school provide materials, services, and even fun activities that would not be available otherwise.

Attend school events. Whether it's a parent-teacher conference, the school play for which your child painted scenery, or an awards ceremony, be there to support your child.

Be supportive of the teacher. Your child is more likely to respect the people for whom you demonstrate approval or respect. Even if you don't agree with the teacher, you need to encourage your child to do what the teacher asks. This is something he may need to practice as an adult with a job. Your child's teacher needs all the help she can get in establishing and keeping her authority in the classroom.

Teachers need to be appreciated, too. As a teacher, my most cherished gifts were personal notes from parents telling me how I helped their children grow.

Ask questions of your child and of the teacher. Know what is happening and make sure your child knows you know. This does not mean you should interrogate your child-just ask regularly.

Look at textbooks. Know what your child should be studying this year, and how the textbooks present it.

Check school and teacher web pages. Many schools and individual teachers now have websites where you can find out tonight's homework, this month's cafeteria offerings, and other news of interest.

Know your child's classmates. This gives you a better chance to encourage or discourage the influence of your child's friends, or to discuss why a child might have behaved in a certain way. Also get to know the parents of your child's friends, in case you need to communicate about a problem.

Get Help

Encourage social get-togethers.If your child is having problems making friends or getting along with classmates, arrange for potential friends to come to your house or to go somewhere with you and your child. Have a birthday party or dream up another kind of party, such as a holiday party or just a Happy Friday party. Encourage your child to attend parties to which he is invited. If necessary, discuss specific situations and how to deal with them beforehand.

Make sure your child gets help for special needs. If your child needs tutoring, special classes, counseling, assistance with a bully, etc., make sure she gets it. Some problems need only short-term intervention, and others require long-term solutions. Don't make your child suffer. Receiving the help she needs can make a huge difference in your child's success.

Know which classmates your child can call for help. If your child is having homework trouble or has been sick, encourage him to call a reliable friend. It helps if you know the parents of one or two classmates. Then you can make the call if necessary.

Home|About Us| Services|Contact Us

Email Webmaster